See this post for 5.01a and notes.


CUT TO: EXT. DOWNTOWN - DAY
Brian and Michael walking side by side along the storefronts.

BRIAN
Hmn, trying to dispose of a large sum of expendable income is more exhausting than one might think.

MICHAEL
Whoever said the world was fair. Next time you'll think twice before becoming a success.

Brian wraps his left arm around Michael's shoulders.

BRIAN
Well, you're not doing so bad yourself.

Michael shrugs.

MICHAEL
Ben wants us to buy a house in that new area where all the gay couples are moving.

Brian makes a face.

BRIAN
Ohh, and become Stepford fags?

MICHAEL
Maybe you should get a new place. House in the country.

BRIAN
I hate the fucking country.

MICHAEL
A yacht?

BRIAN
[laughs] Right. Pittsburgh: The New St. Tropez.

He stops to look into a Knoll furniture storefront. Michael stops and waits.

MICHAEL
Ride on the space shuttle?

BRIAN
I'm a tad shy of twenty mill.

They resume walking.

MICHAEL
Then how about a bottle of wine for Mel and Linds's anniversary bash?

BRIAN
Who says I'll be there?

MICHAEL
Well, I figured since you'd canceled your trip.

He shrugs.

BRIAN
Ahh, doesn't mean I'm gonna be raising a glass to their marathon muffathon.

Michael grins. They turn a corner. Seeing a top line red/black motorcycle in a store display, Brian stops and points.

BRIAN
That. Is a distinct possibility.

Hands in pockets as he stares at it.

Camera shifts to the motorcycle's POV as we look out on B/M through the glass.

MICHAEL
Hmn.

Brian squints at a thought.

BRIAN
Can you imagine eating pussy -- the same pussy -- for ten years?

He shudders a "yuck" face.

MICHAEL
No, but I don't suppose they could fathom sucking the same cock.

BRIAN
That makes three of us.

Michael side-eyes him.

MICHAEL
Unless it's Justin's.

Camera POV back to normal.

Brian pauses, then squints at Michael. Michael smirks back, then shrugs.

MICHAEL
It's a shame you couldn't go to L.A.

Brian looks away, shrugs.

BRIAN
I'm busy. And he's busy.

MICHAEL
We're all busy. I just hope he gets back soon so we can finish the next issue of Rage.

BRIAN
He's not coming back.

MICHAEL
What do you mean, he's not coming back? Did he tell you that?

BRIAN
He didn't have to.

MICHAEL
When I spoke to him, all he said was that he was going to have to be there longer than he--

BRIAN
Listen, Mikey. Are you listening?

MICHAEL
[exasperated] Yes! Christ sake, I'm listening.

BRIAN
Just figure it out for yourself. I mean, first it's three months, then it's six months. One project turns into another and another. Before you know it, he's there a year. Five years.

CUT TO: INT. CALIFORNIA - DAY
Bedroom. Justin getting fucked by Connor doggie style. We mainly only hear Justin's moans and gasps.

JUSTIN
[under his breath] Oh, yeah...

CUT TO: EXT. DOWNTOWN - DAY
We see Brian and Michael's reflections in the store window. Brian shrugs.

BRIAN
It's the way it goes.

CUT TO: INT. CALIFORNIA - DAY
More fucking. Connor holding onto Justin's hips. Justin rearing up, gasping and reaching back to hold on as Connor bands an arm over Justin's shoulder and across his chest.

CUT TO: EXT. DOWNTOWN - DAY
Justin's moans bleed over. We hear them in the background as Brian talks.

BRIAN
I mean, I don't blame him. He's having the time of his life, working in the movies. He's fucking movie stars.

CUT TO: INT. CALIFORNIA - DAY
Still fucking. Justin buries his head in the blankets, rears up and comes as the camera slides to the left.

CUT TO: EXT. DOWNTOWN - DAY
Brian staring into the window. He purses his lips, looking sad. We can still hear Justin and Connor panting.

MICHAEL [OS]
That doesn't mean he's never coming home.

BRIAN
Who the hell'd come back to Pittsburgh after L.A.? I mean, if it was me, I'd never come back.

Camera POV back to normal.

Long beat. Traffic sounds, a siren. Michael rolls his eyes.

MICHAEL
He's not you.

Brian stands still a moment longer. Finally rolls his lips in and mentally brings himself back. After a small shrug and dismissing sound, he looks at Michael.

BRIAN
Well. It's time he got on with his life.

Crosses in front of Michael as he resumes walking.

BRIAN
It's time I got on with mine.

Looking unsettled, Michael stares after him for a few seconds before following.

CUT TO: INT. LINDSAY AND MELANIE'S HOUSE - DAY
Melanie, holding J.R., walks through the dining room.

MELANIE
Can't believe how someone so little could have so much poop in them. You just might grow up to be a lawyer.

She's heading up the stairs when a knock on the door has her turning to answer it.

EXT. HOUSE
Michael at the door, knocking.

Melanie opens the door. Michael is leaning against the frame, grinning.

MICHAEL
Hey, Mel.

MELANIE
Hey ... Michael.

MICHAEL
Whatcha up to?

Melanie starts bouncing J.R.

MELANIE
Changing you-know-whose you-know-what for the billionth time today.

MICHAEL
Is that how you're going to spend your tenth anniversary?

MELANIE
You got a better idea?

Michael's grin gets wider.

MICHAEL
As a matter of fact...

He moves inside just as the whole family, Deb in the lead with a Jell-O mold, rushes into view. It sounds like a stampede on the porch.

EVERYBODY
Surprise!

Melanie gapes, definitely surprised. Everyone laughs and moves into the house, carrying food, balloons, flowers.

DEB
Surprise!

She sees J.R. and quickly hands the Jell-O mold off to Carl. She and Michael fuss over J.R.

DEB
Ohh, how's my granddaughter?

Deb takes her from Melanie.

DEB
I haven't seen you forever.

MELANIE
Well, yeah, not since this morning.

DEB
[to J.R.] I scared you, Sweetheart.

Deb walks away, wiping J.R.'s cheek, as Emmett comes forward with a plate of food.

EMMETT
Wipe the dyke in the headlights look off your face. You are having a surprise party, courtesy of Auntie Em's Special Occasions.

Ben's next up, holding his casserole.

BEN
And you don't have to lift a finger, everything's been taken care of!

Ben, Ted and Gary hurry by.

GUEST [OS]
Hey, Happy Tenth, Mel!

Guests flood in while Melanie watches, stunned. Emmett's waving guests in the door.

EMMETT
Food in the dining room, please!

MICHAEL
[to Melanie] Where's Linds?

MELANIE
Ahhh... She went to the grocery store. With Gus.

MICHAEL
We want to surprise her, too.

MELANIE
[shaky laugh] Oh, she'll be surprised. Would you excuse me for a sec?

MICHAEL
[nods] Uh-huh.

The door finally gets closed and Michael follows the stampede with a huge grin.

INT. BEDROOM
Melanie quickly slips in and closes the door, muffling the party sounds from below. Rushes to the phone on the dresser and punches in a number. We watch in the mirror as she dials and paces.

LINDSAY
[on the phone] Hello?

MELANIE
Hey, it's me.

LINDSAY
Is something wrong?

MELANIE
Yeah, fucking right something's wrong!

LINDSAY
With the baby?

MELANIE
No, [sigh] no, it's not with the baby. It just... Get your ass over here quick!

LINDSAY
Why?

MELANIE
They're giving us a fucking surprise party.

Close up on the dresser mirror. Two photos: Melanie, Lindsay holding newborn Gus, and Brian sitting on the hospital bed. The second is infant J.R. half under a blanket.

INT. DINING ROOM
People milling around, glasses of wine in hand. We spot Ted and Michael at the buffet. In profile, we can see Ted has a sizeable belly. Looking tense, Melanie stands behind them, eating and warily watching the guests.

TED
Well, Emmett's done it again. The food's great.

Gary offers Ted some food.

TED
Aww, I couldn't...

Michael turns around to Melanie.

MICHAEL
She must be really stocking up.

Pops food in his mouth.

TED
[to Gary] Really? It's for me?

MELANIE
Well, you know. Double coupons.

Walks away, licking her fingers.

Gary feeding Ted. Ted moans orgasmically. Emmett eyes them briefly as he attends the food.

TED
[mouth full] Mmm, mmm, that's good.

We follow Emmett into the living room where Deb is studying Ted. Em sets the food down on the coffee table.

DEB
Is Teddy getting tubby?

Em follows her gaze.

EMMETT
Hmph.

Shot of Ted and Gary at the buffet.

EMMETT
Considering the adorableness of his new beau, I'd say fat's the new thin.

Eats a finger sandwich.

DEB
So where you been keeping yourself? I barely see you since I've moved back.

EMMETT
Um, actually I've been out looking for a place.

DEB
A place? For what?

EMMETT
To... live.

Deb's smile vanishes.

DEB
Why the hell would you do that? It's not because we walked in and found you fucking some guy. Is it?

EMMETT
Well...

DEB
[laughing] That was just a case of bad timing, that's all. I mean, it's kind of funny actually, when you think about it.

EMMETT
I'm not sure that Carl found it to be...

Shot of Carl and Michael talking/laughing and doing some manly arm squeezing.

EMMETT [OS]
...the laugh riot you did.

DEB
Don't worry about Carl. He'll get used to it.

EMMETT
He shouldn't have to. The house should be the two of yours, Deb. Not the three of ours.

DEB
But, he'll never be Blanche when I'm playing Baby Jane. He doesn't have the shoulders or the eyebrows. C'mon, you think he's gonna take me to Sing Along With Wizard Of Oz, or get dishy with me during the award shows, or pull my face back and tell me how much work I need? In other words... Em. You're irreplaceable.

Em has been smiling fondly the whole time. Now his smile fades.

EMMETT
We both have to face it, Deb. Life with your detective does not include me.

He walks away, leaving a crushed Deb.

INT. FRONT DOOR
Melanie pacing. The door opens; it's Lindsay holding Gus. Melanie pounces forward.

MELANIE
What the hell took you so long?

Lindsay closes the door.

GUS
Hi, mommy.

Melanie half-waves at him, distracted.

LINDSAY
I had to wake up Gus, get dressed.

Melanie waves it away and quickly leads them out to the party.

MELANIE
Here she is!

Shot of the living room as guests look over.

BEN
Oh, hey!

EVERYONE
Surprise!

Shot of the dining room as Ted, Gary and Em clap and move closer.

Lindsay feigns surprise as she puts Gus down. Melanie sweeps an arm across the room, then throws her other one around Lindsay's shoulders. She grins tightly.

MELANIE
Isn't that great, our friends throwing us a surprise party for our anniversary?

BEN
Where are the groceries?

LINDSAY
The groceries...? Oh oh, they're being delivered tomorrow!

Ben and Michael nod.

BEN
Oh.

Emmett swoops in.

EMMETT
Does everyone have champagne?

He hands a glass to a flustered Lindsay. Melanie tries to wave that off as well, but Emmett quickly goes in search of another glass.

EMMETT
Oh, can't toast without a glaaass...

Shot of all the guests holding their glasses, happy and waiting.

BEN
We know how exhausted you two are.

Shot of Melanie and Lindsay looking nervous.

BEN [OS]
We couldn't let this landmark go by without a liiiittle celebration.

Michael is nodding wildly.


MICHAEL
Ten years is quite an achievement.

DEB
[laughs] I'll say.

Emmett ducks in to hand Melanie her glass, who keeps her eyes on the guests. Lindsay cuts her eyes to Mel knowingly.

BEN [OS]
Now, more than ever, it's important people know that a gay couple can be just as committed as any straight couple.

The guests agree. Michael raises his glass.

MICHAEL
To Mel and Linds!

Melanie raises her glass -- orange juice in a regular glass.

EVERYONE
To Mel and Linds!

DEB
Speech from the old married couple, c'mon!

LINDSAY
There is something we'd like to say...

Melanie whips around to Linds.

MELANIE
No, there isn't. [lower] Now is not the right time.

LINDSAY
When is the right time?

Michael leans in innocently.

MICHAEL
Right time for what?

They look at him. Beat.

LINDSAY
[to guests] I think you all should know--

MELANIE
How much we appreciate this.

LINDSAY
[snaps] Would you stop?

The guests grow quiet, uncomfortable. Shot of Deb/Carl staring.

LINDSAY
[to Mel] We can't hide it anymore, it isn't fair.

Shot of Michael/Ben then Ted/Gary/Em, all quiet. Lindsay turns back to the crowd.

LINDSAY
Thank you for all your good wishes. But you see, Melanie and I are having some problems.

Melanie snorts.

MELANIE
[to crowd] I wasn't having any problems. I - I was trying to have a baby.

LINDSAY
[to Mel] All right, I'm the one, I'm the one responsible for all the problems.

MELANIE
Damn right you are!

LINDSAY
For which I've apologized endlessly. But you still refuse to accept the fact--

MELANIE
That fucking Sam Auerbach had nothing to do with sex?!

The guest start to murmur.

MELANIE
It was all about art. All the humping was about form and function.

She shakes her head, disgusted.

Shot of the guests, stunned.

LINDSAY
[to guests] The truth is, we haven't been living together since our daughter was born.

Everyone further stunned. Lindsay turns and walks to the stairs. Michael lowers his head, trying to process.

CUT TO: INT. BABYLON - NIGHT
Backroom. Pretty boys fucking montage to a club beat. Close-up of Brian standing against the wall, getting sucked. Suddenly the house lights go up, the music cuts off. Brian squints, looking around.

GUY #1 [OS]
Who turned on the lights?!

Aerial shot of the room. Black walls, dirty floor, neon pink "X" on the hallway wall, fourteen guys in the shot, including Brian. Everyone but the trick sucking Brian stops to look around.

GUY #2
What the fuck's going on?

GUY #3
Turn 'em off!

GUY #4 [OS]
Fuck!

Brian looks around, frowning.

GUY #5 [OS]
Turn the fucking lights back off!

GUY #6 [OS]
Jesus Christ!

GUY #7 [OS]
That's not funny. Not fucking funny.

More grumbling. We pull back to see Brian, holding his trick by the head, enjoying his blowjob. Two police officers stride into the room.

OFFICER #1
Gentlemen!

The guys turn to look.

OFFICER #1 [OS]
May I have your attention.

GUY #8 [OS]
Aw, man.

Brian looks at the officers, still getting blown.

OFFICER #1
This club is officially closed.

Some guys scurry to get clothes, others don't bother redressing as they file out. Brian and his trick keep on sucking.

OFFICER #1
So pull up your pants and go home.

OFFICER #2
Let's go, come on. Come on!

GUY #9 [OS]
That's my shirt...

OFFICER #2
Let's go. Everybody. Party's over, let's go.

OFFICER #1
[to Brian] That includes you.

BRIAN
[breathless] Just wait a sec.

A few seconds of panting and he comes. The officer shakes his head but looks away. Another few seconds to catch his breath and retuck himself then Brian grins widely.

BRIAN
Thanks, Officer. I'll do the same for you one day.

He leaves, the officer watching him go.

CUT TO: INT. LINDSAY AND MELANIE'S HOUSE - NIGHT
Dining room. Melanie, Lindsay and Ben sit at the table. Michael slowly paces to the doorway. There's an uncomfortable silence.

LINDSAY
I come here every day to be with the baby.

MELANIE
And so I can be with Gus.

LINDSAY
Then Gus and I go back to the apartment.

MICHAEL
You have an apartment?

LINDSAY
Yeah, small one bedroom I've been renting.

MELANIE
We've been renting. Although we can barely afford this place.

LINDSAY
[to Melanie] Well, Gus and I have to live somewhere. Or would you rather we sleep on the street?

MELANIE
Did I say that?

BEN
We're just a little thrown. Ya gotta admit -- it's a shock.

LINDSAY
I wanted it all out in the open.

MELANIE
[snaps] Well, I didn't. I'm the one who had the baby. I had enough to deal with without having to explain to everyone.

BEN
Look, you've been having personal problems, we understand--

Michael walks over, upset.

MICHAEL
No, we do not understand! How could you not say a word all this time?

Lindsay lowers her gaze.

MICHAEL
So when were you gonna tell me? After she grew up and went to college and got married and had children of her own?

Melanie rolls her eyes and stands up from the table.

MICHAEL
I have seen you practically every day since Jenny was born and it's always been so sweet, so adorable, the two doting mothers. Well, who woulda guessed it was a big fucking lie.

LINDSAY
We made a wrong decision by not telling you. For which we are truly sorry. But we've been under a lot of stress.

MELANIE
[catty] Ohh, ain't that the truth. You have no idea how deceit can raise your blood pressure.

Lindsay draws a breath, taking the jab without comment.

MICHAEL
When I agreed to be the baby's father, it was because I knew she would be raised in a loving home with two loving parents. Not in some sort of time-sharing arrangement with complimentary sniping!

Melanie seethes, uncomfortable.

MICHAEL
Now you can make all the excuses you want, but if this is how you plan on raising our daughter, then we should never have had her in the first place!

Long beat as he stares at them, upset. Lindsay is stunned. Michael walks out, leaving Ben at the table.

CUT TO: TED'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
Ted and Gary watching T.V. in bed. There's a pizza box between them. Ted, in a gray t-shirt, is eating a slice. Gary, no shirt and no pizza, laughs at the movie.

GARY
God, I love this part.

Ted gives him an amused look.

TED
[mouth full] Frankly, I've, I've never been too keen about the Grumpy Old Men movies.

GARY
I love the classics.

They laugh, Ted pats his cheek.

TED
[scoffs] 'Classics.'

Gary reaches for a pizza slice.

GARY
Here, have another.

TED
[chewing] Nope, no, no, I couldn't.

Wipes his hands on a napkin.

GARY
Come on...

Waves the slice enticingly.


TED
Nope, six is my absolute limit.

GARY
Come on!

Offers the slice again.

TED
[grunting playfully] No!

He grunts like a bull being shown the red cape before finally taking a bite. Gary laughs.

TED
Ya know, at this rate, I'm gonna turn into that guy I saw on T.V. He was so fat they had to remove a wall to get him out of the house.

He pats his tummy.

GARY
Fine by me.

Ted laughs and runs his knuckles over Gary's chest, attention back on the T.V.

GARY
There is something about the scent of an old guy.

Ted squawks at that, but Gary is leaning in to sniff his neck and Ted laughs. Gary pulls back.

GARY
Makes me so hot.

Ted makes an interested sound. Gary touches his hair.

GARY
The lovely gray flecks turning into white...

Unsure now, Ted laughs awkwardly while Gary stares lovingly at his head.

GARY
The baby bottom pink scalp, peeking through the little hairs on top, like wild grass on the beach...

Ted's frowning. Turned on, Gary grabs his cock under the covers. Ted jumps, eyes widening.

GARY
And to grab onto those love handles while I'm shooting all over that big, full belly...

He grins, seemingly not phased that Ted's giving him a 'What the fuck?' look, and reaches for another pizza slice.

GARY
Come on, lover.

Shoves the slice's end into Ted's mouth.

GARY
Eat.

Stunned, Ted bites then gives him a 'hi-your-name-is-crazy' smile.

CUT TO: INT. DEB'S HOUSE - NIGHT
Emmett's bent over, looking in the fridge. Off-screen, someone clears their throat, then a shoulder in the frame.

EMMETT
[whispers] Sean, honey, I told you to stay in my room.

We see it's Carl. They're both in just their underwear.

CARL
I'm not Sean, honey.

Emmett turns and chuckles.

EMMETT
Oop.

He hides behind the fridge door. Carl is just as uncomfortable.

EMMETT
Clearly.

CARL
Hand me the cranberry juice.

EMMETT
Yeah.

He turns to get the bottle and hands it over. Carl quickly takes it and promptly holds it in front of his crotch, clearing his throat again and looking away briefly.

CARL
I've been meaning for us to have a ... powwow. Although, I never imagined it to be...

EMMETT
[laughs] Au naturel? Well, you have nothing to worry about. My lust bunny is locked away in my room. Even put a gag in his mouth. Course, it was leather and he begged me to do it.

He laughs, but Carl just stares.

EMMETT
Anyways, uh, starting Sunday, uh, you and Deb will have this place all to yourselves.

Grabs a foam carton from the fridge and closes the door.

EMMETT
Um, uh, buffalo wings?

Goes to the counter. Carl follows.

CARL
Deb is very upset you're leaving.

Emmett gets a plate out of the cupboard.

EMMETT
Up to you now to stop her from buying everything on QVC.

Carl leans against the counter.

CARL
Truth is, I'm a little sorry to see you go myself.

Head down, Emmett's plating up his wings.

EMMETT
You are?

CARL
Is that such a surprise?

EMMETT
Frankly, yes. Most straight men take one look at me and head for the hills. Except for my father. He ran me out on a rail.

CARL
Well, that's his loss. You're a good man. [beat] In fact, considering, uh, the number of hours I work -- sometimes all night -- [sigh] I'd be a hell of a lot happier if I knew Deb wasn't in the house alone.

Emmett grins.

EMMETT
Carl Horvath. You asking me to stay?

Carl laughs.

CARL
Doesn't take a detective to figure that out. But, it's up to you.

EMMETT
Well, what about my sex--my love life?

CARL
I bought a sound machine. All I hear now is raindrops falling, rivers flowing, birds chirping.

EMMETT
Maybe I should get one of those. Pretend I'm fucking in a rain forest.

They laugh.

EMMETT
Oh, uh, I'd better get back to...

He bites on his finger long-wise, meaning his gagged love bunny.

CARL
Ahh, Sean honey.

Plate in hand, Emmett grins, waves a roll of paper towels at Carl. He starts to leave, but pauses.

EMMETT
Ya know, if, um, if you were gay, you'd make one hell of a bear.

Flashes Carl the sexy eye and grins. Carl gives him a look. Grinning, Em leaves him to take a slug of his cranberry juice.

CUT TO: INT. LIBERTY AVENUE DINER - DAY
Deb, behind the counter and restocking the dessert display with cinnamon rolls, talks to Michael sitting at the counter.

DEB
I told Melanie -- she was sitting right over there -- I said, Doesn't matter what's going on between you and Lindsay, your first responsibility is that baby.

Michael nods and drinks from a glass bottle. We see a male CUSTOMER sitting next to him with a dinner.

CUSTOMER
Deb, could I get a piece of the key lime?

DEB
When you finish your meatloaf. [to Michael] But did they listen?

She slams down the lid on the dessert display.

MICHAEL
Obviously not.

DEB
Instead they go and destroy a family. They turn a happy home into a broken one.

MICHAEL
Without even telling us.

Brian appears to sit next to Michael. The "order's up" bell from the kitchen sounds off twice.

BRIAN
Coffee to go, Deb.

DEB
Want anything with it?

BRIAN
How could you eat after what happened last night?

MICHAEL
You're telling me! Steam's still coming out of my ears.

The COOK rings the bell a bunch more times.

COOK
Hey, Deb!

Deb turns and points.

DEB
If I hear that fucking thing one more time, you're gonna be hearing bells!

She pours Brian's coffee.

BRIAN
My heart's broken. My soul? Crushed.

MICHAEL
How do you think I feel?

BRIAN
The insensitivity. You know, it's amoral, that's what it is.

Deb drops his coffee off as she passes by.

MICHAEL
You're telling me.

He drinks.

BRIAN
How could they do this?

Adds sugar to his coffee.

MICHAEL
You were right. Never trust munchers.

Brian frowns.

BRIAN
Munchers?

MICHAEL
Mel and Linds.

BRIAN
What the hell have they got to do with it?

Stirs his coffee with a fork.

MICHAEL
Who do you think's responsible?

BRIAN
For closing Babylon?

Michael's nose twitches.

CUT TO: EXT. AN ALLEY - DAY
Brian and Michael turn off the sidewalk and into an alley. Brian has his coffee cup in his right hand.

MICHAEL
Is that all you care about? Who gives a shit if the cops close down Babylon?

BRIAN
I, for one, give a very big shit that that come stain Sapperstein was defrauding the Internal Revenue Service by hiding thousands -- perhaps even hundreds of thousands -- of dollars up in his office in pillowcases. Which, knowing him, you can be sure were not the highest thread count. And now because of his illegal activities, Babylon is gone. Kaput. Finito.

MICHAEL
And that concerns you more than the fact that Mel and Linds were lying to us? That now my daughter and your son are the products of a broken home.

Brian laughs as they come to the end of the alley and the 'Vette. He leans against the driver side door.

BRIAN
Christ. The three of you. Never saw such drama queens. First Lindsay was wailing to me on the phone the night she and Melanie split and now you.

MICHAEL
[upset] Wait a minute. You telling me you knew about this and you didn't tell me?

BRIAN
[calm] She asked me not to.

Disbelieving, Michael points as he backs up.

MICHAEL
So your loyalty to her was more important than our friendship.

BRIAN
Don't make this about us, Michael. Because it's not.

Michael stares, feeling betrayed. Brian straightens up from the 'Vette and smiles as he raises his coffee cup toast-like.

BRIAN
The ever-changing kaleidoscope of life.

He takes a drink and turns toward the car to go while Michael stares.

CUT TO: ANIMATED RAGE ART
A spacescape drawn in blues with twinkling white stars. J.T., drawn in black and white, floats away from our POV.

COMIC BOOK NARRATOR [VO]
J.T. floats, lost among the stars, wondering if he'll ever see Rage again.

DISSOLVE TO: INT. CALIFORNIA - DAY
The camera slides to the right and we see the J.T. art is on an art studio computer. We pan up to Justin standing at his drawing board, contemplating five sheets of paper (four have typed lines, the fifth has three Rage panels drawn in b/w) that are laid out. Other employees are working at desks and milling about. Same employee from earlier walks over to hand him a sheet of paper. He takes it with a polite smile.

JUSTIN
[quietly] Thank you.

He looks the paper over, itching his left temple. Sets the paper down and pulls out his cell phone. Enters a number when a voice sounds from behind.

CONNOR [OS]
I promised I'd come for you, J.T.

Justin turns and grins when he sees Connor in his Rage costume -- silver spandex with the chest rip and black eye mask.

CONNOR
Even if I had to go to the end of the universe.

Still grinning, Justin snaps his phone closed and turns full around.

CONNOR
I just did a test in front of a green screen.

Justin waves him to do a modeling twirl; Connor does.

CONNOR
So? What do you think?

JUSTIN
It's hot.

CONNOR
And [shimmies shoulders] itchy.

They laugh. Connor looks down at his crotch.

CONNOR
Check out this package.

Justin guffaws.

JUSTIN
That's gonna win an Oscar for special effects.

CONNOR
Didn't hear you complaining.

Having advanced a few steps, Connor playfully pokes him in the stomach several times as a laughing Justin bats his hands away. Behind them, Brett walks in and stops just inside the door.

BRETT
Okay, superhero, turn in your tights. Fenderman just pulled the plug.

CONNOR
What?

JUSTIN
He can't do that.

Brett walks further into the room and picks up some papers off a desk.

BRETT
He can and he did. He just reamed my ass and not like in scene thirty-two where Rage gives J.T. the rimming of a lifetime. Oh, the picture's over budget, over schedule.

JUSTIN
You said they say that about every picture.

BRETT
They do.

CONNOR
Then what's the real reason?

BRETT
He's afraid. The times, the political climate.

JUSTIN
Well, he's wrong. Tell him there are millions of queers out there with billions of dollars.

BRETT
I did. He's more concerned about alienating the family audience. Pissing off the Parent Corporation, displeasing someone in Washington who can make that tax break very hard to come by.

JUSTIN
What, so it's over? Just like that?

BRETT
He's greenlighting The Passion of Moses. Gay's out. God's in.

Disgusted, he leaves. Connor looks back at a stunned Justin, who backs up to sit at his drawing board with a deep sigh.

EMPLOYEE [OS]
Wow.

CUT TO: INT. LINDSAY AND MELANIE'S HOUSE - DAY
Melanie holds J.R. in the living room. Lindsay and Gus come in the front door, where Lindsay crouches to remove his coat. Gus sneezes.

MELANIE
Oh, sweetie, do you have a cold?

Lindsay wipes Gus's nose with a tissue.

LINDSAY
Yeah, I think he caught one last night.

MELANIE
I wouldn't be surprised. Dragging him over here so we can play one big happy family.

Gus goes upstairs. Lindsay stands.

LINDSAY
I didn't drag him. And you're the one who called. Who insisted we keep up this ridiculous charade.

MELANIE
And you saw why I did, didn't you? Now we have to deal with all their shit as well as our own.

Beat. Bounces J.R. in her arms.

MELANIE
Oh, speaking of shit. Did you bring his medication?

They walk into the dining room where Melanie lays J.R. down on the table to change her diaper. Lindsay pulls a bottle out of her purse.

LINDSAY
Delicious cherry flavor your kids will love? He hates it.

She sets the medicine down on the table, moves toward J.R.

LINDSAY
Here, why don't you let me do it...

Melanie angrily waves her off. Lindsay backs away.

MELANIE
Cos I can do it! Would you just go to work already? [quietly] God.

Lindsay walks away, then turns to talk to Melanie's back.

LINDSAY
It had to be done. We had to tell them.

Melanie closes her eyes, drops her head down, sad.

MELANIE
It's just that...

Shakes her head some more.

LINDSAY
What?

More head shaking from Melanie.

MELANIE
Telling them ... seeing their faces ... knowing they know.

J.R. half-cries. Melanie squeezes her eyes closed, turns. Beat.

MELANIE
Somehow makes it real.

Long beat. J.R. fusses. Lindsay leaves. We hear the front door open/close as Melanie turns back to J.R.

CUT TO: EXT. RESIDENTIAL STREET IN THE SUBURBS - DAY
Beautiful houses with manicured yards. The streets are rain-wet. Eli (holding Devon's hand) and Monty (pushing Ondine in a stroller) walk down the sidewalk. Michael and Ben follow.

ELI
[to Devon] Yeah?

Devon chatters. Long beat.

ELI
[to the adults] We're having some of the neighbors over Sunday for a BBQ. I've asked a couple members of our illustrious English department, Kelly and Braverman--

MONTY
Why don't you guys come too?

MICHAEL
That sounds great.

ELI
And be sure to bring Hunter.

Devon is still chattering, Eli looks down and laughs.

MAN #1 [OS]
Hi!

Monty waves across the street. The others look and smile.

MONTY
Hey!

Across the street, we see two smiling men on the sidewalk with a double stroller. They wave.

MAN #2
Oh, how's it going?

Michael gives a "hey" wave back.

ELI
They just moved in across the street. They got twins.

BEN
Ahh, seems like everyone around here's got kids.

He glances at Michael.

MONTY
Won't be long before you'll be out strolling along with your own bambino, too.

Points across the street at a house.

MONTY
This one just went on the market.

Hand on Monty's arm, Eli stops the group to look.

ELI
Nice yard, but it could use a make-over.

Michael and Ben turn to look.

MONTY [OS]
Couldn't we all.

The camera pans down the front of a two-story red house.

MONTY [OS]
Wonder what they're asking.

ELI [OS]
Well, in that condition, it's probably a bargain.

Camera pans further down. The roof is buckled, the paint chipped, plants are dying. There's a Remax reality sign in the yard. Pat Gavendall - 555-2368.

ELI
Sure you guys aren't interested?

Ben looks at him. Michael keeps staring at the house.

BEN
[reluctant] Oh ... we've talked it over and we've decided to stay put for now.

MICHAEL
How soon could we see it?

Ben looks at Michael, frowns in confused shock. Michael turns to face him, face soft.

MICHAEL
Like you said, we're on top of each other in the apartment. Hunter needs his own space. Jenny Rebecca's gonna need her own room. A yard to play in.

Eli, pen cap in his mouth, is already writing on a slip of paper.

MONTY
We'll write down the realtor’s number and you can give him a call.

Ben looks from him back to Michael.

BEN
[quietly] I thought you wanted to stay on Liberty Avenue.

Beat. Michael smiles.

MICHAEL
Maybe it's time for a change.

CUT TO: INT. BABYLON
Aerial shot. Place is empty, the lights are up, glitter and trash on the floor, old beer bottles on the bar. Brian stands in the center, hands in pockets, looking around. We zoom in on him. Sound of a metal door clanging open.

TED [OS]
Brian!

Brian smiles and turns as a harried Ted walks in.

TED
So why the urgent message, 'Meet me at Babylon now?'

Brian walks behind the bar.

BRIAN
I found that little something you told me to treat myself to.

TED
What?

BRIAN
You're standing in it.

Ted looks down. Brian pours a drink. Ted looks up, realization dawning.

TED
Babylon?!

Brian knocks back his drink as Ted walks over.

TED
I said the toy, not the playroom!

BRIAN
I want it!

TED
Oh, you want it. What for?

Brian comes around the bar, puts an arm across Ted's shoulders and leads them over to the stairs.

BRIAN
Well, I gotta keep the boys off the streets at night.

Ted sighs.

BRIAN
I've got to provide them with a warm, friendly environment in which to use illegal substances and have promiscuous sex--

He stops and points at Ted.

BRIAN
--safely of course!

TED
A noble sentiment, but investment-wise, not very practical.

BRIAN
And what would be practical, Theodore?

He starts up the stairs alone.

BRIAN
To get married and move to the suburbs--

Ted sighs and walks off a little. Brian continues up the stairs, looking down at Ted as he walks.

BRIAN
--become a home-loving, child-raising, God-fearing imitation heterosexual?

He scoffs, reaching the catwalk.

BRIAN
And for what? So that I can become another dead soul going to the mall and dropping my kids off at school and having BBQs in the backyard.

Shot of Ted looking up. We hear Brian scoff again, then see him reach the end of the catwalk and lean against the railing. He reaches out to touch a disco ball suspended from the ceiling.

BRIAN
That's their death. Not mine.

Turning to the panel behind him, he throws the breaker. House lights go down, dance lights come up. Ted watches. Brian spins back around to lean over the railing, looking down at Ted and yells.

BRIAN
I'm a cocksucker!

Starts walking the catwalk.

BRIAN

I'm queer! And to anyone who takes pity or offense...

Stopped at the railing, he tosses some old confetti down as Ted looks up, entranced.

BRIAN
I say, Judge yourself.

Camera pans up from the floor to the catwalk. Brian, arms spread on the railing, is highlighted in blue and yellow lights and a dark strain of music beginning.

BRIAN
This is where I live. This is who I am.

Camera holds on him for a few beats, then slowly begins to pull back. The music swells.

COMIC BOOK NARRATOR [VO]
And as Rage stands at the precipice of a new world...

The music swells. Animated storyboard sketches fly by in Pride colors. Scenes: Brian at the railing; Brian and Justin kissing with "they kiss passionately" direction; sun and planets; Brian holding a "Hardbody Heroes" poster and smiling at Michael at Red Cape Comics; word "BRAVE"; Brian smiling at Michael; planetscape with the words "BRAVE NEW WORLD"; Brian, Michael and Ben at Woody's bar; word "NEW"; Michael talking to Brian's profile; planets; word "WORLD"; Brian looking into the distance; Brian in a crowd, looking alone; Brian head cocked and in a tank top, speaking.

FADE TO BLACK.

***
Queer as Folk and all its characters are a property of CowLip and Showtime. No copyright infringement is intended.